Journal Entries
Posted on Thursday December 30th, 2010 - 1:03 PM
School and grades and all that jazz
Got my grades today. 2 As, 2 A-s, and a C.
Advice to everyone: NEVER TAKE NEUROSCIENCE. IT WILL RAPE YOU IN THE ASS.
My overall GPA is still really good, but I hate when you’re like… .3 points away from eligibility for something. No Dean’s List for me this semester.
(I know I sound like…really crazy and like a hyper-perfectionist… And that it doesn’t matter that much… But I really *need* to get into grad school for what I want to do. And Dean’s List every semester would’ve looked really good on my CV)
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Posted on Friday December 24th, 2010 - 1:54 AM
“Friends are like snowflakes. Beautiful and different.”
This phrase (frosted on Starbucks windows) makes me think of not only my friends but of open relationships and the reasons that people enter into various forms of them.
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Posted on Saturday December 18th, 2010 - 10:49 PM
My partner and his partner are in love
Commence hyperventilation
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Posted on Saturday December 18th, 2010 - 6:33 PM
I’ve always turned to the internet when I feel most alone.
I’ve turned to the internet for this ever since middle school. I’ve always had close friends, and always at least one person whom I could talk about things too…although I’ve been able to open up more emotionally in the past few years than before…
I know I have people who love and care about me offline. But like…right now…either hard for that objective reasoning to be helpful for a few reasons:
- My relationships with my partner and my roommate are strained as of late. Because of that, its hard for me to either believe that it’s true, or find the expression of caring comforting (respectively).
- Some people can comfort me when I’m upset. Other people can’t. Not nearly as well anyway. I’m not sure why; it’s just the way it is. Even when things aren’t weird between my roommate and I (who has been a good friend of mine for over 5 years now), she is not one of those people who can comfort me. It’s unfortunate but true.
- And pretty much all my other remotely close friends (and family) live no where near me. There long-distance love and caring is nice, but it just doesn’t have the same effect.
People over the internet might be far away, on the other side of a computer screen. But for some reason they can seem closer and more comforting than that.
Also…the internet can be distracting, which helps me forget my troubles.
I just wish I didn’t have to. I wish I could only turn the internet for fun and lulz and friendships and to support OTHERS. But I wish I wasn’t in such a rut that I needed this.
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Posted on Saturday December 18th, 2010 - 6:20 PM
I did a bad thing. A very bad thing.
I read my texts on my partners phone between him and his other partner.
And I lied to him and said I didn’t.
And the texts make me feel insecure and terrible.
She makes him happy. And after the troubles we’ve been having lately, I really feel like I don’t. I did once. I have the capacity to in the future. But I don’t right now.
I just want to curl up into a ball. And die cry.
Maybe I could have compersion if I knew I made my partner happy as well. But without that…I just have pain.
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Posted on Friday December 17th, 2010 - 2:02 AM
These past two days have been pretty good
Yesterday (Wednesday) evening I hung out with my partner (and ended up spending the night) and he was really hot… I mean…I think he always is honestly, but he was especially so last night and this morning. So that was nice.
Also…we talked…and I think things are going better, at least for now.
Also…sex 2.5 times (one time I just sucked his cock; but it’s alright, I quite enjoyed that too) That was quite lovely. And I experienced the orgasmic pleasure of playing with my clitoris and my asshole while fucking me. Ladies, I highly recommend this if you haven’t tried it yet.
Although… I have a lot of insecurities to work on over break. I’ve let myself lapse on trying to work through those and through my depression…and when you let yourself lapse, it just gets worse.
Also, today a fellow student (suffering a mental break from finals, I’m sure) in the library was like “I think I want a hug right now… Anyway want a hug?”. I raised my hand. Free hugs are always awesome.
Just finished my BDSM project. Lotsa fun. Christmas break is sooo close. I can’t wait.
So yes…these days have been good. And this weekend looks good. The only thing that could make it better is if I could get a damn babysitting job. I’m the poorest I’ve been…possibly ever. But it’s ok, I get by. And Christmas will bring - along with the joy of family and friends - presents and money. Always a plus. A needed plus.
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Posted on Wednesday December 15th, 2010 - 12:00 AM
I have a new scar in a new location
Or I will, anyway.
I haven’t burned on my arm since 8th grade.
(It’ strange…when you burn yourself…initially a VERY large area around the burn becomes red, like a rash. My burns are only between 1/4 and 1/2 of an inch [about 1 centimeter] but the diameter of the initial redness was probably 2.5 inches [6.5 centimeters]. It’s a large area, comparatively. It recedes very quickly…inversely with the blistering of the actual burn…actually the blister continues to grow for an hour or two…)
I wonder if anyone will notice.
Probably no one who I want to notice…
No one notices burn scars and if they do, they assume they’re from cooking or not burn scars.
I damage myself over a such small surface area that I guess it’s no wonder…
It’s both a blessing and a curse, really.
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Posted on Tuesday December 14th, 2010 - 8:05 PM
I’m at a crossroads that is between a rock and a hard place at sea
All those idioms…
Anyway… I don’t really have the strength to talk about it.
But I’m asking for all my followers’ thoughts and (if you pray) prayers
I feel a little ridiculous and wrong now asking for these things and no one’s died…I haven’t even lost anyone or anything yet…
But I might. And I’m…I’m…I’m just lost.
Crying and lost and not sure what to do
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Posted on Sunday December 12th, 2010 - 12:42 PM
I fully plan to have sleepovers when I’m 30, thank you very much
My mom telling me that I’m too old to have sleep overs… “You’re getting to the age where… You have their own beds. You guys don’t need to be together every night.”
My friends and I can pretty much over see each other during breaks. If we want to have sleepovers every night, so be it. I love my friends, and I don’t like sleeping alone. Why should I apologize for this?
And since when is there a rule that adults can’t have sleepovers? Isn’t that what guestrooms are for?
I fully plan on having sleepovers when I’m 30. The kind where you stay up all night all piled onto one bed talking about random shit, and you go on crazy adventures and just walk around at night time. Since when is there an age limit on this? I don’t understand.
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Posted on Thursday December 9th, 2010 - 7:41 PM
Fuck ‘em.
Seriously, I hate that shit.
Some, I understand. Or at least…I could see why one might think it merits no response. But many, I do not.
Especially if I see those people sending and responding to the most random ass texts from other people.
It just really makes me feel fucking unloved.
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Posted on Thursday December 9th, 2010 - 1:43 AM
I just pretended to give a blowjob to a dildo, fantasizing about giving one to my partner, because I really want to do that right now.
It’s funny, because I used to not really care about giving oral sex. I mean…yeah, I liked giving him pleasure, but it didn’t do anything for me. But now it TOTALLY does. I love licking and sucking and slobbering all over his cock. And making the slobbering noises and moaning while I suck it…
God just thinking about it is making me so horny.
I want to suck and fuck. Now.
(I still don’t really like cum though… I mean, i don’t hate hit, but like… Idk, it’s just not my thing. Pre-cum, I like, but like though.)
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Posted on Monday December 6th, 2010 - 9:37 PM
I need to know more sexually adventurous girls who are single or okay with non-monogamy
Or more specifically, are in relationships with people ok with non-monogamy.
Because I wanna have a ffm threesome…but they all keep falling through.
Sexy girls who live near me…where are you?
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Posted on Sunday December 5th, 2010 - 12:16 PM
Fuck you, spotting.
For getting in the way of perfectly good sex and making my partner stop in the middle and refuse to go any further even in the shower.
Yes I know it looks gross…but in the shower it doesn’t happen, I swear!
*sigh*
Seriously, I take the pill to skip my period week…this shouldn’t happen
*fail*
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Posted on Saturday December 4th, 2010 - 11:36 PM
I think I figured out why I get mad at my partner for the smallest things sometimes
I think I figured out why I get mad at my partner for the smallest things sometimes
I honestly think he will leave me - at least for a period of time - sometime in life…and I’m not exactly talking 20 years down the line either
And he’s painfully realist (and, like me, a child of divorce) in his point of view, so he’ll say nothing to change my mind. He just says that it’s possible that he will because that happens in life, etc.
I get mad at him for something that hasn’t happened yet…and perhaps never will…but I fear it will one day. And I just…die a little on the inside feeling that.
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Posted on Friday December 3rd, 2010 - 7:26 PM
Seeing a dead body is really surreal
He doesn’t look like he’s sleeping… He looks like a wax figure
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Posted on Wednesday December 1st, 2010 - 12:30 PM
I get angry far too easily
I can be the worst bitch sometimes. God, I hate me like that.
And my period is just making it worse. But I hate using that as a reason…it feels more like an excuse. But hormones really do affect your mood.
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Posted on Friday November 26th, 2010 - 6:29 PM
Threesome canceled.
Fuck. Nothing in my life is going right, is it?
Dunno when that opportunity will present itself again. Probably never
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Posted on Thursday November 25th, 2010 - 1:21 PM
“I know you love me, and I love you, but we can’t be happy together in a serious committed relationship. At least not now”
Which is why if push comes to shove and his new partner can’t be happy in a poly relationship, he will pick her wants and needs; he won’t be like “well, this is what I want/need” because he doesn’t want to give her up. Because there’s potential there for him. Because it’s new; there’s so much possibility. He “owes it to [himself] to explore what could happen.” He doesn’t want to give her up. (I mean, of course he doesn’t, but so much so that he’s willing to compromise his wants.)
But it feels like he’s perfectly content to give me up.
I mean…I know he wouldn’t want to. And I know he would want to continue our deep emotional relationship, and be hurt if he couldn’t. But could I do that? Would I really be able to? I don’t think so.
Me finally accepting and exploring his current poly wants and my intrigue in polyamory is supposed to make my life easier. This isn’t supposed to happen. It isn’t fair!
And I know it’s only one possibility of what will happen. But it’s still a very real possibility. And I can do nothing but dwell on it. *sigh*
(Also, fuck the lies that love fixes everything. It doesn’t mean that things always work)
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Posted on Thursday November 25th, 2010 - 3:35 AM
Fuck love
The one time my dad can’t be even indirectly blamed (well, Freud might beg to differ) for ruining my holiday, I have to ruin my own
Why do I have to be in love with a man who even though he loves me, doesn’t love me as strongly?
Why does it have to be that you can love someone…but sometimes serious relationships are too hard to handle between the two of you?
And why does drinking and hurting myself not make me feel any better at all? It usually can, but I still can’t stop crying.
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Posted on Tuesday November 23rd, 2010 - 3:18 AM
He told me to read the bible.
I didn’t take it badly. I mostly laughed (in my head). He’s like…74, and I knew he was really conservative, so it’s not that weird.
(Hell, I’m pleasantly surprised he knew what bisexuality was.)
He also said he loves me no matter what, and I need to decide for myself if what I feel I’m doing is right; no one else can tell me I’m wrong. He didn’t tell me I’m going to Hell or anything.
He thinks it’s a sin ‘cause it’s in the bible… But I’m gonna try to change his mind. Do some digging into Christian resources in support of LGBT things. Any resources you have on you would be incredible helpful.
____________________________________________________________ Posted on Sunday November 21st, 2010 - 11:29 PM
I’m a 32-A. I mean…my partner tells me he likes my breasts. But he seems to really favor Bs and Cs on other girls.. He says he just likes pretty breasts, and there’s are pretty, and mine are pretty, too, and therefore he likes them.
But I’ve always had an insecurity about my cup size. Ever since 4th grade (yeah…I know) when I got made fun of in the locker room for wearing a training bra, even though “I didn’t even have anything”.
My breasts fit my body…I’m petite; they look good. And I get curves from my ass. But I still…idk…I don’t want huge boobs (I don’t like huge boobs), just Bs…
But I DON’T want enhancement surgery. It removes feeling from the area…and then whats the point?!
I just wish there was a natural way to grow them.
Or society liked small breasts and therefore I wouldn’t care.
Or I didn’t have security issues.
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Posted on Sunday November 21st, 2010 - 9:36 PM
Saw “Bells Are Ringing” at City Center tonight.
Makes the romantic in me sigh and long for fairy tale one true love.
Such a problem for trying to live a jealousy free polyamory lifestyle.
Damn it, I just want my partner all to myself tonight. Damn you, Broadway.
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Posted on Sunday November 21st, 2010 - 9:07 PM Had to start a new account. My thing became less anonymous than I liked…people found it who I and/or my partner aren’t comfortable reading it. Anyway… Hopefully won’t have to do that again
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Posted on Sunday November 21st, 2010 - 2:17 PM
Why can’t I ever do anything right?
I can’t even not be a whiny self-pitying child.
I suppose I’m just destined to fail at life, because I fuck up all my chances at happiness or success.
(And, yes, this is partially a cry for attention, but it’s also how I’m feeling right now)
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Posted on Friday November 19th, 2010 - 4:11 PM
Why does my brain fail at picking my crushes lately? *facepalm*
Cute gay guy in my class is so cute. Ok, so I’m kind of just assuming his sexuality because he’s never explicitly identified as gay. Maybe he identifies as queer. Maybe he’s bi. Maybe he homoflexible. But probably not. Seriously. My crushes are so full of fail. The score so far, in case you’re playing along at home, is straight girl, gay guy, and queer girl with a girlfriend (in a probably monogamous relationship). And on top of that, I love my partner, and that thing is all kinds of complicated right now. Oh, life, what did I do to make you want to play these tricks on me?
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Posted on Friday November 19th, 2010 - 3:27 AM
Why does the girl I like have a girlfriend?
And I doubt they’re open or poly. I mean, I’ll wait and see, but…
Just my luck *facepalm*
(PS: Harry Potter movie was awesome)
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Posted on Thursday November 18th, 2010 - 2:55 PM
I’m feeling a little better.
He came back during a short break. And we cuddled. He was being really sweet.
Him: *worried* “She [my teacher] is going to hate me.”
Me: “No she’s not; you’re awesome.”
Him: *smile* “You’re kinda awesome too. Just a little bit.” *smirk*
He was being cute and a little flirty. He hasn’t been like that in a little while with me (not since his new partner). So…it felt nice. I felt special and loved.
He can compartmentalize his thoughts. I don’t know how he does it. When he said he doesn’t wanna think about it until after Thanksgiving… that doesn’t mean he’s really thinking about it and wasn’t planning to talk about it with me. It means…he’s literally not gonna have it on his mind until after Thanksgiving. I don’t know. He hass a very strange mind…
I’m still nervous as fuck. ‘Cause he still very well might decide something that would leave me in a very dark place… But I’m not crying anymore. And I might be able to concentrate enough to get some of my work done.
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Posted on Thursday November 18th, 2010 - 12:39 PM
What Do I Do If…?
My partner’s new partner said she’s not sure if she’s comfortable having intercourse with him unless they were in a closed relationship. She’s comfortable with their level of sexuality now, but she’s not sure about that. He said not to worry about it and they’d wait to talk about it again until after Thanksgiving break.
What do I do if he decides to close his relationship with her? Seriously…what do I do?
Because I think he’s considering it. At least a little bit. Processing the thought anyway. Deciding.
We were always open. I’m finally getting legitimately comfortable with open relationships, and he’s possibly thinking about closing it with someone else?
He said not to worry about it. But he didn’t say he wouldn’t. One simple sentenced would have calmed my fears… but he didn’t say it. He couldn’t talk about it, didn’t want to talk about it with me at the moment. He had to hurry off to a meeting.
I’m afraid I’m gonna make him feel forced to stay in an open relationship. But it’s not fair; if he would never consider closing it before…Why now? Why with her? They just started seeing each other! Is it NRE driving it? WTF?!
I’m finally getting comfortable with polyamory and this happens?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
He probably won’t. But if I make him feel forced, that might drive him to rebel against what he feels is confinement just because he feels forced by me.
But if he does that. If he closes it with her; and stops us…
I really don’t know what I would do.
Christmas break would suck; I know that.
Spring semester would suck.
I would lose my best friend. Because I wouldn’t be comfortable being around him for a long time. A long time.
And I’m worried. And I’m a paranoid person who dwells on worries. I have insecurity issues. I have fear of abandonment issues.
I have depression. I’ve been seeing someone about it and started medication. It was really getting better until 2 weeks ago. And I’ve been sorta readjusting. But not any more. I don’t know how to anymore.
I’m gonna cry all day today. I’m not gonna be able to work on my essay. Fuck.
What do I do? Tell me what to do…
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Posted on Wednesday November 17th, 2010 - 9:13 PM
I was frustrated at my partner. Part overreaction, part not. But I’m not any more. You know why? Because I came across the trailer for the new Winnie the Pooh movie. And Winnie the Pooh cures everything. Like dogs and cats.
Seriously…when I’m upset, give me a dog to play with and I get over it in 2 seconds. This is why I need a pet dog…
Anyway…
WINNIE THE POOH MOVIE! SUMMER 2011! I’M FUCKING EXCITED!
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Posted on Wednesday November 17th, 2010 - 8:49 PM
What I Wish I Could Say to You Without it Blowing Up in My Face
You ask for my help, I give you my help, and you berate me for keeping you on the phone 2 minutes more to see if we could talk on the phone later.
I know you’re super busy and have to be at X in 5 minutes.
All you had to say to “I’m gonna call you later” is “ok” and I woulda hung up.
All you had to do was not ignore what I was saying, and then get mad at me saying all the shit you have to do when I ask you to listen.
All you had to do was not laugh at my question, even if it wasn’t a laugh to make fun of me.
Our sex date tomorrow isn’t gonna be much fun for me if I don’t wanna have sex with you. And I don’t at this moment. Right now I’m positively un-horny. Not even being able to give me a few seconds to talk about sexy plans for tomorrow (even if not right now, but later) doesn’t make me that inclined to want to fuck you.
You ask me to help you, I expect a listening ear in return.
Or at least thank you would be nice.
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Posted on Wednesday November 17th, 2010 - 6:48 PM
Gah. I hate when you can’t tell if someone is flirting with you.
It’s especially hard with girls. And if there’s one I find cute, it’s very frustrating not knowing.
Like right now. Adorable and pretty girl. I flirted with her today but I can’t tell if she was flirting back.
I know she identifies as queer and exclusively likes girls (though is open to the idea of being attracted to other genders…its just never happened), but she’s also the friendly type. And girls can be touchy feel-y or borderline flirty with friends. Goddamn the rules and roles allowed by girls and their friendships…
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Posted on Wednesday November 17th, 2010 - 11:00 AM
I came out to my older brother as bi over email yesterday.
I found out my mom had already told him last year. So much fail, lol
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Posted on Tuesday November 16th, 2010 - 10:07 PM
Meeting My Partner’s Partner
I just realized I never posted how it went meeting my partner’s new partner on Saturday. They’re still trying to figure out what they want from the relationship, so I’m not sure what to call her in relationship to him (friend, fwb, playmate, girl friend, none of those?). I’ll just stick with partner.
That night for me was a crazy one, emotionally. I was dealing with a lot of insecurity and feeling like my partner wasn’t really listening to me. There was some yelling from me, as tends to happen when I feel out of control of my life.
But the meeting itself went well. It was short because she was exhausted from her day and he and I were trying to fit in some sex-time before he had to meet with people.
It was a little awkward. But we ended up talking about our experiences in all-girl catholic school, something you can always fall back on for conversation if you’ve ever attended one.
My S.O. Was considerate to both of us to say goodbye to his partner in the hallway, so that their kissing goodbye wouldn’t make me feel bad or her feel awkward.
Typing this up brings up a slight uneasy feeling in my stomach, I must admit. But I think that will pass with time; it has already lessened whenever I think about her or them.
I did like her. I found her nice and funny and we seem to have a few things in common. While I don’t want to force a friendship or anything like that I hope we can meet again. And I hope that one day we can be together in the same space without any awkwardness.
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Posted on Tuesday November 16th, 2010 - 4:19 PM
Knowing Someone Still Wants to Fuck You Is Just a Great Confidence Booster
Seriously. I love planning sex dates
Even if he wants to have sex with other people, it’s just nice to know he still wants to have sex with me. Such reassurance :)
Yes, of course he wants to hang out with other people, and of course he wants to hang out with me, too. But right now my mind’s main focus is sex.
Thursday’s gonna be awesome. Morning sex, Bisexuality group meeting at the LGBT Center downtown, and Midnight Harry Potter. Fuck yeah!
But right now…I have to do my statistics homework.
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Posted on Monday November 15th, 2010 - 6:11 PM
A Stream of Consciousness Rant to Release My Mind
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ENVY ENVY ENVY ENVY ENVY JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUSY JEALOUSY WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT LOVE LOVE LOVE
BOREDOM FUCK BOREDOM
FUCK NEED TO DO WORK FUCK SCHOOL FUCK IT I’M A BAD STUDENT FUCK IT
FRIENDS WHY AREN’T MY FRIENDS HERE WHY DON’T THEY LIVE HERE FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
THAT’S MY LIFE NOW: FUCK JEALOUSY BOREDOM WANT FEAR NEED FRIENDS WANT LOVE LIFE SOMETIMES FUN FUN WHEN WITH FRIENDS FUN WHEN WITH S.O. NOT FUN NOW BORED NOW
I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT UP RIGHT NOW AND I WANT IT TO STOP FUCK UP OBJECTS FUCK UP OTHERS FUCK UP MYSELF BUT I WANT IT TO STOP
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
AND FUCK
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Posted on Monday November 15th, 2010 - 5:29 PM
How Do You Meet New People?
So…I really want to make more friends. I really want to make cute friends that I can possibly develop a sexual relationship. How do you meet people? How do you meet people who you want friendship and sexuality from but not a serious relationship? (I consider my partner my primary - even if he doesn’t believe in hierarchical structures. And while I want new friendships and am open to having a new partner to whom I’m close; I’m not interested in another primary)
You would think since I’m in college it would be easy. But none of my college acquaintances extend beyond classes, clubs, or maybe the cafeteria. Idk…maybe I’m too picky…but very few people at my school share enough of my interests or are the right kind of personalities for us to click enough to become close. Help!
(Lol, I can’t very well explore the world of polyamory if I can’t even meet people!)
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Posted on Sunday November 14th, 2010 - 10:25 AM
How do you deal with jealousy over New Realationship Energy? My partner has been spending a lot of time with his new partner. Part of that is convenience; they live in the same building, so they can fit in meeting up at odd hours and it’s easy to just pop by. The other part is they’re both experiencing NRE. I understand. I’ve been there, in the beginning of a new relationship, crush, or even intense platonic friendship.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to deal with. I’m envious of the time she gets to spend with him (on top of the classes they’re in together).
I live a good 45 minutes away from him (it’s not that far by NYC standards, but it’s not exactly the same building, or down the street like some of his friends that can hang out with him often), and because of busy and differing school/work schedules, unless we’re on a break/vacation, we can generally only meet up on weekends lately. Sometimes we’re able to spend the whole weekend together, but sometimes we only spend a day. The time I spend with him is generally great. And usually the “only weekend” thing is fine for me. But I find myself comparing (I know I shouldn’t; I try not to, but it’s hard), and being envious and jealous.
How do I deal? Any advice, tumblr world
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Posted on Saturday November 13th, 2010 - 1:50 AM
“We must travel in the direction of our fear” ~ John Berryman.
This quote is all too applicable to my life right now. And gives me inspiration and a little bit of strength on a night when I’m dealing with jealousy related to personal insecurity and fear.
Entering a new open dynamic to a relationship is hard… I suppose any new dynamic to a relationship is challenging. And change is always hard.
I wish I was a stronger person in general. I’ve often dealt with insecurity issues; ever since childhood. I’m working on these issues…but they hit a little harder in this situation.
This quote shall become a new mantra of mine.
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Posted on Friday November 12th, 2010 - 4:05 PM
I might also be posting some NSFW content every now and again. Because even though open relationships are not all about sex (well…it varies from relationship to relationship…but still)… My mind thinks about sex a lot. 2 person sex, 3 person sex, orgies, m/f, f/f, m/f, f/f/m, m/m/m, f/m/m, f/f/f, etc… So, some of the content might reflect that.
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Posted on Friday November 12th, 2010 - 4:00 PM
I created this blog as a place to post my thoughts on various kinds of open relationships, including polyamory and to post my adventures and struggles (positive, negative, or neutral) as I enter this new period of my life.
My S.O. and I have technically been in an open relationship almost since the very beginning… But neither of us ever did anything with anyone else before now (there was some making out…but we actually were rarely even separate for that anyway).
He told me right away when stuff went down. We’ve been talking about our feelings together, ‘cause we know communication is very important. I’ve been going back and forth all week between being perfectly OK with it and open to this new chapter of my life…and being jealous and insecure and scared.
I’m probably going to meet his friend tomorrow. I’m thinking it’ll go well… but I’m also nervous. What if meeting her just brings up new feelings of jealousy and makes thinks worse? What if I see them in the same room together and my mind just goes to this dark place that they’ve secretly been fucking all year and he’s actually in love with her and no longer loves me. I know none of this is true… but my mind can go to the darkest places… It’ll probably be fine, but there’s still some nerves.
About me
This blog is a random hodgepodge of things. It's about open relationships, sex, politics, social justice issues, art, love, animals, beauty, my fandoms, and my melodramatic rantings about my life. Other things slip in too.
Sometimes NSFW
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